WHEN THINGS DON'T WORK OUT: a perspective-giving pep talk
I’ve been in an interesting season of trusting God lately. Previously in my life trying to obey Him, things have gone what seems like a bit more smoothly. It usually worked like this: God gave me a sense that something was going to happen or told me something was going to happen, then He told me what to do, then the thing eventually happened. (That sounds fast, but sometimes there was a long period of waiting after I’d done the thing He told me to do. Or a long period of waiting before I knew what to do at all. Either way, there was waiting. But the end goal was clear. Then it happened.)
But things have gotten a bit more ambiguous lately in my life.
And in my attempt to follow God’s plan and discern His will.
Why have things become a little less clear? Have I not been spending enough time with Him?
Have I gotten rusty on listening to His voice? Am I doing something wrong?
No.
None of those things.
I’m in a new season of trust.
When I was younger in my faith, I needed to see immediate fruit. I needed to see that God does what He says He is going to do and that He is who He says He is. And, don’t get me wrong, I still definitely need that.
But now I already know that He’s a faithful God.
I know He follows through.
I know He fulfills His promises. Always.
And so now, His direction looks more like Him saying,
“Start.”
And then I go.
And usually I get scared. And I say, “What the heck am I doing? Why aren’t you being very clear?”
And He just says, “Keep going.”
And I say, “Okay.”
And sometimes things just don't progress. Or seem to work out ridiculously smoothly.
And then I keep going in this vague direction that has a slight end goal.
There was a whole chunk of months of my life this year where the majority of what He said was, “It’ll make sense in the end.”
And so I sat in my current state of wondering and just doing the things I knew He had assigned to me when He said, “Start.”
His lack of direction didn’t mean that the goal was less good. Or less attainable. Or that I was doing anything wrong or listening poorly.
It wasn’t even that God was quiet. He was just as here as ever.
He was saying that I need to go on what I know.
And keep moving forward.
Because He’s still in charge. Even when I’m unsure.
I’m running this blog. I started it a few months ago, you know.
And sometimes I have no idea what He’s doing with it. I have some dreams in my heart. I know a bit of the trajectory. But honestly there are days where I don’t feel led to pick it up and write and force it. And I don’t know why.
All I know is that God will give me the direction I need when I need it.
He’ll tell me to start things when I need to start things.
To stop things when I need to stop things.
To listen to Him intently when I need to take time to sit with Him and focus on Him again.
He’s in charge.
So when I start and lose direction or feel like I’ve failed at my futile attempts to follow Him, He says,
“Try again.”
He’s giving me a holy determination- I think that’s what He’s working up in my spirit. He’s stoking it.
It’s not something that comes naturally for me lately. I’ve been in heaps of seasons where the harder lesson has been to learn to rest with Him and trust Him, and I’ve mastered those seasons.
Now He’s calling me to trust when I can’t see what’s ahead of me, and to trust Him even when I need to get a little riled up and make things happen.
Oh, the ever-constant balance between rest and riling. Quiet and holy determination.
All I know now is He has told me “Start.”
And when I fail, “Try again. Move forward.”
And so I go.
