SOMETIMES BEING A LONER IS OKAY: 5 benefits of having time to yourself
- Sarah Hensley @hensley_sarah
- Aug 7, 2016
- 5 min read

I'm an INFJ according to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator.
Characterization: "quietly intense." Vision oriented. Compassionate. Sensing. "...have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them."
Bingo. Nailed it. True.
What does that all boil down to? I get worn out ridiculously fast. I'm constantly taking in how other people are feeling, not giving myself much slack because I'm so focused on accomplishing big-picture ideals, intensely desiring to do things on my own but wanting to love and please others so much that I get worn out.
And there have been seasons where God has called me to rest and where I have felt pretty alone - for a long time. It felt like I was doing nearly nothing. And had barely any friends. (Except a couple close good ones and my family.)
When God has me in a lonely place, it's easy to compare my motionless life to the busy extroverted life of those around me, yet God gently reminds me that there are some things that can only be accomplished in quietness and loneliness.
So here are some benefits I've learned from being alone.
no 1. - I hear God better
In my times of aloneness, His voice becomes clearer. Oftentimes, being alone and not having something to do causes all of my insecurities to surface, and I get to bring those things to Him.
When life is so busy that I don't have alone time, I don't spend time with God processing how I'm feeling. Instead, I just get caught up in the whirlwind, and my stress accumulates without me bringing it back to God to say, "What is your truth about this situation? Why am I stressed?"
His voice becomes louder when I am just alone with Him and remove myself from the distractions.
Luke 5:16 "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."
It's worth retreating to hear the word of God and being filled with His peace.
Besides, if we don't take that time to be alone and hear from Him, what do we have to offer to people? Being alone gives us time to regroup and offer Him to others. We take hold of Him and know Him better and learn what He says to us, then we can share that to others.
If we never take that time to listen, we'll never hear. And that robs others of coming into contact with God's truth through us when we are with people.
no 2. - comparison stops
When I'm alone, I learn what I actually want.
It's so easy to get caught up in what other people are doing and how other people are living and keeping up with having the best life ever.

Aloneness gives us the chance to say, "What do I actually want? What do I actually care about? If I didn't see other people around me doing what they're doing, would I still be doing what I'm doing?"
If you're a person who doesn't struggle with comparison- what a rare, beautiful gift.
For the rest of us, we do need to learn how to not compare when we're with others. But until we get to that point, being alone is a way that we can refocus and re-identify ourselves with who God says we are. Who He says we should be, not the world. Not our friends. Not every photo we compare ourselves to in our feed.
I desperately need the opportunity to refocus and find my security and identity in God alone, not in what I'm doing and whether it's as good as what everyone else is doing.
I need time to be myself and to remember who I am when I'm not comparing. Aloneness is my opportunity to do that.
no 3. - people pleasing stops
My INFJ characteristics keep me constantly wondering how I can please others. I sense when there's a riff or when someone is uncomfortable or stressed, and I want to do something to make it right. And I usually don't stop worrying about it until it's made right or there's absolutely nothing else I can do to fix it.
When I'm alone with God, I get to ask Him what my role is in helping the people I love, rather than pushing myself to be there for them and fix it and make things perfect.
There might be something He wants them to work through before I get involved. There might be something I need to learn from Him about the relationship before I move forward and try to fix what I'm feeling. I might need to just let conflict happen and stick to what God has told me. (Letting good conflict happen is one of the hardest things for me to do, even if it's necessary.)
So being alone forces me to focus on only what God wants me to do and how He says I should love people. Not what other people want or require. I get stronger in His presence and can then offer what He tells me to offer to others. He knows what other people need, I don't. And He knows what I need. I don't.
no 4. - rest
Contrary to popular belief, we actually do need rest.
We need recreation. We need time where we're not thinking. We need time to just enjoy.
Why is this so hard? It shouldn't be.
Yes, we're called to do what we're made for. But we can't do what we're made for well if we don't let our human bodies rest and regroup. We actually do have limits to what we can do in a day, as hard as it is to admit it.

(Check out this post on why you should take a day if you're not convinced.)
no 5. - my purpose isn't their purpose
When I'm alone, I question God, and that usually is when He reminds me of the purpose He has for me or refines that purpose. He reminds me that where I am is where He has led me, so I am okay. I learn to trust more deeply that He has a purpose for me and I've done what I can to follow Him.
The time of aloneness is apparently what is needed for His purpose to be accomplished through me. And His purpose for my life is not the same as His purpose for other peoples' lives. So my life will look different.
His purpose for me might require more aloneness. Or at least it might require being alone in the season I'm in. So I will follow Him through it. And pursue Him and ask Him to use the time without distractions to clarify what He has made me for.
So what does this all come down to?
When God says to be alone, take it and delight in every second of it. And if He calls you to seasons of aloneness, don't fret, worry, or compare it away. He might be preparing you for the next season, where you'll be wishing you could have a second to yourself.
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